I think the interesting thing about being in a creative business is that you’re always in flux. An office job, in my experience, is the same thing, day in and day out. There are definite ebbs and flows to this business, and right now my email is insanely still.
It’s slow. Slower than molasses.
It’s hard not to think that this is some sort of slight on me. It’s the nature of the season, the nature of weddings; the fact that people are getting married now, instead of planning their weddings.
There’s a little voice inside of my head that says, “No one likes you!” And you know what? I know it isn’t true. But sometimes it’s pretty loud.
I’ve been doing this as my full-time job for about 8 months now, and yet I haven’t really stopped criticizing myself long enough to really take a look at what I’ve accomplished. Everything I do, I feel I can do better. I shoot something and I’m proud of it, and then a few weeks later I start to nitpick. I should have stepped back, I should’ve tried a wider lens, I should’ve come in closer, I shoulda, I shoulda, I shoulda.
Walt tells me I’m too hard on myself. I know I’m too hard on myself. But I don’t ever want to become complacent. I don’t want to be like, “Yeah, this is good enough. I can stop learning. I can stop trying new things. I can sit on my laurels.” I’m always hustling, always trying, always thinking.
I just need to get better about giving myself some slack, and to celebrate the stuff that I’ve done.
I’m working on it.