It’s pretty old news that Walt and I used to work at an Austin-centric ice cream store (it’s where we first met!). We had a joke among the staff that the people coming in for interviews had to basically fit 3 criteria: “Do you like ice cream? Yeah? Do you like Girl Talk? Do you like Ratatat? Yes to all three? You’re hired.” Because if you had the same tastes as the people you worked with, even with all of the other personality clashes, you still had a common interest you could turn to. There were so many late nights cleaning while dancing to “Feed the Animals,” oh my goodness.

      Which is why I know, without even looking at you, glancing at your Facebook interests, or discussing any other topics, I can tell that we are going to get along just fine if you find Wizard People, Dear Reader funny. If you laugh so hard you snort. If you cry a little bit. We will be excellent friends.

      If you aren’t familiar with WPDR: it’s a separate, unauthorized audio track to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (the movie), recorded by Brad Neely of Creased Comics. You mute the real movie audio and sync up WPDR to it instead, and the gravelly-voiced narrator takes you through an alternate Harry Potter universe, where Snape is an evil woman, Harry Potter is a closet alcoholic and egotist, Ron is often referred to as “Ronnie the Bear,” and Voldemort is “Valmart, Harry’s father” (à la Star Wars).

      Sometimes I just listen to the audio tracks on my iPod when I want a good laugh. I can be having the worst day ever, but when the narrator calls Madame Hooch “Catface Meowmers” I just lose it.

      The audio is free and can be Googled easily. I highly recommend that anybody reading this go out and listen to it.

      Here’s the wikipedia article for it if you aren’t convinced. Come back and tell me your favorite line.


      Oh my goodness Elissa. I have had a major thing for your photos. But my husband and I plus our whole crew listened to this recording in college on every occasion we could justify it and I think I just developed a girl crush on you. So there’s that.
      “Ron says, “A pot of coffee by day, a bottle of wine by night type of guy.’ Harry said, ‘Multiply that by three, and you’ve got me.’ “

      I can’t believe I missed this comment! I’ll share my favorite (though it’s so hard to choose): “The snow of Christmas morn falls like angels’ sh!t as Harry fumbles through his last dream and into yet another link in life’s impenetrably-armored succession of days.” I don’t know why I find it so hilarious.